User talk:ThunderBeam707

Welcome
Hi, welcome to SNK Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Sie Kensou page. Enjoy your stay and contribute. Ways you can help out are:


 * Create new articles from our wanted pages list!


 * Expand the fighting style sections for character articles.


 * Create character movelists!


 * If you know more about the subject, feel free to expand any of our short pages!

Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! -- Kyosei (Talk) 00:52, November 15, 2009

The King of Fighters XIII Wish List
Due to the disappointing game which is The King of Fighters XII, I figured that they'll make a KOF XIII soon, as soon as they release The King of Fighters 2002: Unlimited Match to the U.S. I think they'll be working on it very soon, I put some things that me and some fans wish to have characters in the game, I would also like for them to add charatcers from Neo Geo Battle Coliseum perphaps, here are the list of teams in the wish list:

Hero Team

 * Ash Crimson
 * Shen Woo
 * Gato

Japan Team

 * Kyo Kusanagi
 * Benimaru Nikaido
 * Goro Daimon

Fatal Fury Team

 * Joe Higashi
 * Andy Bogard
 * Duck King

Art of Fighting Team

 * Ryo Sakazaki
 * Robert Garcia
 * King

Ikari Warriors Team

 * Ralf Jones
 * Clark Still
 * Seth

Ikari's Women Team

 * Whip
 * Kula Diamond
 * Vanessa

Psycho Soldiers Team

 * Sie Kensou
 * Bao
 * Momoko

K' Team

 * K'
 * Maxima
 * Foxy

Agent Team

 * Malin
 * Ramon
 * Blue Mary

Mark of the Wolves Team

 * Bonne Jenet
 * Tizoc
 * Hokutomaru

Women Fighters Team

 * Mai Shiranui
 * Li Xiangfei
 * Yuri Sakazaki

High School Girls Team

 * Hinako Shijou
 * Hotaru Futaba
 * Kasumi Todoh

Outlaw Team

 * Ryuji Yamazaki
 * Oswald
 * Eiji Kisaragi

Hakkyokuseiken Team

 * Terry Bogard
 * Tung Fu Rue
 * Geese Howard

Rivals Team

 * Elisabeth Blanctorche
 * Duo Lon
 * Xiao Lon

Masters Team

 * Chin Gentsai
 * Saisyu Kusanagi
 * Takuma Sakazaki

Heidern Team

 * Heidern
 * Diana
 * Chizuru Kagura

Kim Team

 * Kim Kaphwan
 * Chang Koehan
 * Kim Jae Hoon

Jhun Team

 * Jhun Hoon
 * May Lee
 * Kim Dong Hwan

Shingo Team

 * Shingo Yabuki
 * Moe Habana
 * Reiji Oogami

Leona Team

 * Leona Heidern
 * Iori Yagami
 * Athena Asamiya

Mid-Bosses

 * Adelheid Bernstein
 * Rose Bernstein
 * Ron
 * Lin
 * Gai Tendo
 * Angel
 * Sho Hayate
 * Silber
 * Mr. Big
 * Lee Pai Long
 * Wang Koh-San

Sub-Boss

 * Botan

Boss

 * Mukai (probaby with new abilities) or Gaia (Orochi's creator).

Execlusive Hidden Characters

 * Heavy D!
 * Lucky Glauber
 * Brian Battler
 * Rock Howard
 * Choi Bounge
 * Billy Kane
 * Wolfgang Krauser
 * Ryuhaku Todoh
 * Shion
 * Jyazu
 * EX Iori Yagami
 * EX Kyo Kusanagi
 * EX Chizuru Kagura
 * Marco Rossi
 * Athena
 * Mr. Karate II

Re:Wish List
My internet's been down most of the day, so don't take offense to this late reply. My general feeling looking it over is some of the teams don't make much sense. A few of them feel more like edit teams one would see in a Mugen rather than teams that would enter together if this were to be part of the canon story. At best, I see it as another dream match. If that's what you were going for then it's alright I guess. Kyosei 00:26, December 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * Please use the preview button next to the save page button. It helps you see how your edits will look like before you commit any changes. Each time you make a change on my talk page I get spammed with an alert telling me that someone has left me a message on my talk page. Also, I see you were trying to figure out how to link category pages. You can link categories the same way you link any other wiki page, just add a : before the word "Category" in the wiki link. It'll look like this in code Games.


 * Back to the topic at hand. Honestly, and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not interested in knowing the story for your version of KOF XIII. It's great that you're passionate about it but I'm here as an admin to deal with any problems with the wiki not as your personal editor to critique your fan fiction. Take it to someplace like fanfiction.net where you'll most likely get feedback and a possible beta reader to polish up any kinks. Again, I must stress that I don't mean to hurt your feelings but bottom line I'd rather focus on the wiki itself. Kyosei 01:07, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

Re:Joe
It was originally under temporary protection to prevent a silly edit war with another user who didn't believe in the validity of using the official SNK Playmore websites for information for the character infoboxes. Although the protection was going to expire on its own in a couple days, it's free for anyone to edit again. Kyosei 01:52, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Re: Emergency
When trying to make a new subpage from your user page the article's name must always start with "User:Your name here" and then "/Name of the article you are creating". So to make the fan character page for Smoke, you would create a new page named "User:ThunderBeam707/Smoke". This would be the same for any other future fan articles you would make. This can then be shorthand linked on your main user page as Smoke. Please don't be alarmed but I've taken the liberty of editing your user page to give you an example of what I'm talking about. You're free to change the name of the heading and link name of course.

If you want to use the character infobox template just copy the code below and paste it on the fan article:

This infobox is designed to be highly flexible. For example if you don't have a character's Bust, Waist, Hip measurements, you won't have to but it down. The infobox will automatically leave the label blank. You can use as little or as much of it as you need. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

From what I saw, I think that's all you were having problems with. If you have more questions, feel free to ask if you're still confused about something. Kyosei 20:34, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure what you don't understand since you didn't really elaborate. On a side note, you can erase the "KOF XIII Wish List" section from your talk page, since you already moved it to a subpage. Kyosei 22:21, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Re:Fan Project
Please keep in mind that while I'm an admin here, this is not a paid job but something I do in my free time. I'm not here 24/7. Now, back to the topic. I really wanted to take my time with this one. I will be brutally honest but keep in mind these criticisms are aimed to help you figure out where things are not working. Right the short version: many of my initial comments I had made previously about your characters still stand. There's a lot of work that would have to be done. First, I think you need to work on basic writing skills. I see lots of run on sentences, confused punctuation, incorrect grammar, spelling and inconsistencies with tenses.

Secondly, there are some major factual errors about the basics of Japanese society (if these backstories are indeed taking place in Japan) and the KOF universe in general. Things I noticed:
 * Smoke earns a GED in college at 19.
 * GEDs are not earned in college. These degrees are the equivalent of high school diplomas. These are only earned if the individual never received a high school diploma. Now I'm sure you meant to say something along the lines of some kind of degree like an AA (Associate Arts) or BS (Bachelor of Science). Unless it's a vocational school like an art college, traditional colleges take 4 years to earn a lower level degree. An average high school student graduates at around 17. So he earned some sort of traditional college degree in 2 years? Is he a super genius? Also, GEDs only exist in either America or Canada. They are not issued in Japan.


 * Smoke receives marijuana to help save his failing eye sight.
 * First off, marijuana's medicinal properties are mainly for pain relief, reducing nausea and usually prescribed for cancer patients. It is not a miracle drug that can save someone's eye sight. It is also illegal to possess marijuana much less prescribe it as medicine in Japan.


 * Chain is the "ninth" member of the Hakkesshu.
 * There will never be more than eight members. The Hakkesshu are based off the Japanese myth, Yamata no Orochi, the eight-headed snake demon. Even the name Hakkesshu itself roughly means the "eight assembled warriors".


 * The characters' favorite foods.
 * For kids that were born in Japan, they sure love their American. Ever see what Japanese teenagers like to eat? It's generally not American food.


 * The assumption that Ash is part of some unknown clan related to the Sacred Treasures.
 * There is nothing to suggest that Ash is part of any ancient clan. At best he is possibly part of an unknown organization like Those from the Past.


 * Benimaru is an influential character in the KOF universe.
 * In the grand scheme of things, he is not a major player at all. Sorry Benimaru.

Looking at both their backstories and character profiles, none the characters seem like they have even stepped foot in Japan much less even live there. I sense a fundamental lack of understanding of basic Japanese culture. These characters all feel like they're born and raised in America. Why bother mentioning they were born in Japan? A good way to avoid mistakes like this in the future would be to do some kind of research prior to creating these characters.

There also seems to be a lack of focus, clear motivations for the characters and common sense. You mention weird details about the characters at different instances during the characters' backstory. Some problems I have:
 * Why mention Smoke has a problem with his eye and him seeing a doctor to take care of it?
 * Ash all of a sudden likes to hang out with Smoke. Why? Why would Ash care?
 * Smoke received his powers from a random clan. Again I ask why? Wouldn't it be more logical for that clan to use someone from within their own circle of influence? Why bestow power on a random outsider who they can't directly control?
 * In all of their backstories, I read descriptions about the character's hair. Why is it important for the reader to know the color of the character's hair while they're reading the character's backstory? Visual details like this should only be mentioned if it has some sort of story significance. For instance, the color of Iori's flames is mentioned because it signified the corruption his clan suffered in the past at the hands of Orochi. It's all well and good to mention a character's hair changes color when they transform but it doesn't move the story forward.
 * The phrase "personal homicide" does not work for me. His fighting style is to personally murder people?
 * Mysterious agents want to infuse Benimaru's DNA in a random person. These mysterious agents feel like a cheap, throw away plot devices to get Voltaku to hate Benimaru for ruining his life. This doesn't make sense. Benimaru didn't ruin his life. These "mysterious agents" did. Wouldn't it make more sense for him to hunt down the organization these agents were part of?
 * Many of these character's likes and dislikes sound eerily sound a lot like your own likes and dislikes. It feels like you're reflecting too much of yourself onto these characters rather than letting the characters feel like real individuals. Hence the Gary Stu vibe. There's nothing fans dislike more than self-absorbed Gary Stus. I highly recommend taking this test. Although aimed at the female Mary Sue counterpart, it will help you to avoid a lot of the pitfalls of the stereotype.
 * Why would Smoke wallow around in water when it's his weakness? It's like saying Superman enjoys rolling in piles of Kryptonite even though it almost literally kills him.
 * Why do you mention in the trivia section their fighting style looking similar to another character's? Why isn't it in the fighting style section?
 * You glaze over the most important thing you should emphasize in all of your characters' backstories: How the heck did they meet?

The best way to help improve your writing is to go out and read books. See how published authors write and create stories and characters. Taking advice from here might help your characters feel more believable. Keep in mind that for every detail you mention, there has to be for a reason for the reader to know it. It has to be important to the character's development somehow.

Now. Please, please, please. Do not bring this up on my talk page ever again. This entire detailed analysis I've done will be the last thing I am willing to do for your characters and your story. Even if you should request for me to give it another look over, I will ignore it. Kyosei 06:57, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * It's alright if you don't agree with what I'm telling you, but resorting to personal attacks is never the way to go about expressing it. Do remember it was you who wanted and asked for my opinions. I am not going to mince my words or shower random praise if I think a story has problems as it is not constructive nor helpful criticism.
 * Smoke is also has an unknown clan that is related to the Sacred Treasures...The reason he hates Kyo because his clan disgraced his clan, the fact that Smoke's clan wanted to capture the mysterious Orochi for themselves for their own greed, The Kusanagi clan spoke against this and this began to turn into an argument. In the fact they went in war, the Kusagnai clan was victorious and as Smoke clan has been shamed some had disappeared and some had committed suicide they were not heard of sense until Smoke was born, and this is his chance to regain his clan's honor.
 * Orochi, before he was sealed, was an omnipotent god that wanted to destroy humanity. How could another clan seek to capture Orochi by themselves when it took three clans working together to even just seal Orochi away? What profit would there be in gaining Orochi if all it wanted to do was kill this clan anyways since they were human? If this is why Smoke wants revenge against Kyo, then why wasn't this mentioned in his initial backstory you gave me? Since Smoke didn't even know he was part of this clan until recently, why would Smoke care about regaining honor for his clan when this was something that happened literally hundreds of years in the past? This is especially important since Smoke wanted to live a normal life. What obligation does he have to avenge his family's name? Even Kyo himself doesn't really care about his family's destiny or past feud with the Yagami clan and he already knew about beforehand.
 * Smoke doesn't like drowning. Ok...but most real people don't either. It actually was interesting that his weakness was water. You could have played upon that aspect of his character. For instance, he really likes the sea and riding boats but can no longer do so because of his weakness. He can no longer go out on days when it's raining and in Japan, a country which often has frequent periods of rainfall and typhoons, that must be devastating. He can only really live a normal life in a hot and dry desert.
 * Ash is he's always friendly. Ash uses people. He doesn't make friends. Where do you get the impression that he is a friendly guy? You still haven't mentioned why Ash would even know about Smoke much less care to even use him.
 * Voltaku's true propose is...it's best that I have him blame Benimaru for now. And when he'll found out the truth, then he'll go after the agents
 * This still doesn't make sense. First, how does he even know this was Benimaru's DNA being inserted into him? Did these agents tell him? This is a fairly rational character making an irrational decision. Does your character really have to hate Benimaru? This is not the same as the Lady Deathstrike and Wolverine story. Lady Deathstrike gained powers to avenge her father for her own twisted of sense of familial honor and patriotism. There is nothing I could see that your character could possibly misunderstand in his situation. He knows he was taken in by agents. So why isn't he going after them? Here's a few ways you can still somehow salvage this if you still wanted to use the "mysterious agents" route: 1) change your character's personality; make your character irrationally blames anything for everything, 2) have it so the scientists brainwashed him to believe it was Benimaru's fault, 3) have an impostor Benimaru who was there during the experiments mock your character and claim responsibility.
 * Chain uses homicide you would probably say the same thing about Yamazaki, and it doesn't matter what they eat and they possibly travel all the time, and heck they even serve this kind of fast food in Japan too. And I put the similarly down because I don't wanna confused anyone and put copy rights down.
 * Except your character and Yamazaki are not the same. Yamazaki kills people of his own volition. When your character kills people it is because of his "other" persona that is out of his control. What they eat does matter because it tells your reader something about your character. If you the writer don't care about what they eat, then why are you trying to make your reader care by mentioning it? To what copy rights are you referring to and how would anyone be confused? The only character you mentioned doing any kind of traveling was one. As far as your readers know, the rest are still all in Japan and haven't left. Yes, there are American-like fast food restaurants in Japan but they are not nearly as numerous or as popular you're making them out to be. Things Japanese teenagers would generally like to eat would be a rice bowl, takoyaki, ramen, teas, seafood, some kind of tempura, curry, onigiri, or various other kinds of sushi. They would likely be eating the things that would more be commonly found in their home country first.
 * Try taking your work to your writing/English teacher and get their opinion too if you're truly confident your characters can stand on their own. They'll probably be even more helpful than I ever could as they can give you advice on improving your stories to make them better. I just gave you a view point from a fan's perspective. Another fan will most likely tell you the same thing but not nearly as kind or constructive. Kyosei 04:55, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Of course I know both your teacher and you are on vacation. This is just me giving you advice to consider down the line. There's still numerous gaps and plot holes in your characters backstories that you expect your readers to know and fill in for themselves on their own. There's also the problem that your characters still feel like Gary Stus rather than unique individuals who could easily slip into the KOF universe. I once again have to highly recommend you read this essay, take the test and (for simpler layman terms for the above) try reading here. These might help better to explain how I feel about your characters in general. If you still think otherwise, then I guess there is nothing else more that I could say. That being said enjoy the rest of your vacation, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Kyosei 00:26, December 25, 2009 (UTC)

Re: ThunderBeam707
Hi there, ThunderBeam707, nice to meet you too. I've read the pages you created for your characters and found it interesting and thought of giving you some advice. It's just me, I don't know if I can be brutally honest like Kyosei, but we'll see. Call me soft. Brutally soft.


 * Smoke - a new rival for Kyo, right? I think that his existence clashes too much with the fact that Iori is still around, and still wants to be the one that kills Kyo (I think). You can have some interesting battles between Smoke, Kyo and Iori with that in mind, but remember not to outshine Iori with Smoke. And I'm sorry, but I'll have to say this, the marijuana thing is really strange. I mean, doctors don't prescribe marijuana to their pacients, they prescribe medicine... and the fact that he was smoking it in dark corners is weird, makes him look like a junkie, in my humble opinion. I believe you should write more about his relationship with Ash and how Ash used him and why, just to keep things interesting. He is an interesting character overall, but I think he lacks motives. I think you should also develop more on why he hates Kyo. If you include that on his backstory it will add more depth to the character, and will do only good to him.


 * Voltaku - I can understand why he hates Benimaru, but I do belive that he should seek his answers from the agents first. It would be the rational thing to do, right? You wake up in a lab, with some creepy guys piercing you with needles all over your body, and because of whatever thing they were doing to you, you become a freak that kills every single one of them. Go further on how he found out that it was Benimaru's DNA that was inserted into him, and have him destroy whoever told him that truth in a fit of rage. If I would imagine a rival to the flamboyant Benimaru, that kid would have to be just as cool as him, but in a evil way. The fact that Voltaku's shy and gentle, in my view doesn't click with his hatred towards Benimaru, but I will wait to see how it works out on the fic first. Now, the thing that really really bothers me, is this Martial Arts & Muay Thai. Don't take me wrong, but this is kind of redundant, since you're using a generic term and then a specific one. Muay Thai is included in what is considered Martial Arts, but you're treating Martial Arts as if they were a specific style. You've specified that his style is similar to Robert's, King's and Benimaru's. King fights with an acrobatic Muay Thai, Benimaru fights with Shootboxing, which is a variation of Muay Thai, and Robert fights with Karate, which has some similar kicks to Muay Thai. In my opinion, I think that you should just list his style as Muay Thai, or something like "His own variation of Muay Thai". This is your story and your characters, but in my view, if you fix that, Voltaku can be one really badass character, specially in that crazy red haired form.


 * Chain - I like how Daimon has his own rival, now, but there are some things that I don't really agree with. First, the fact that he has the Riot of the Blood. Since the Riot is Orochi-related, it would be much more suitable for a rival to Kyo to be infected with it, much like Iori is. And I really would like to see how and why was Chain, of all people, was infected with Orochi's blood. This is my view, so you don't have to take it as something official, but I believe that Orochi can only infuse someone with his blood if the person is willing to receive it, much like the Yasakani clan went to Orochi and asked him for that. I don't think he can pick someone at random and give him/her his blood, but still. One thing I don't understand is how he can amalgamate Whip and Daimon's fighting styles. Whip focuses on her long ranged attacks, while Daimon focuses on short ranged throws. I can't seem to be able to imagine someone armed with a chain throwing people around with Judo moves. Users of Geokinesis tend to be - yeah, I know it's cliché - down to earth, and I can't see how Daimon's silent personality would click with the demented ways of Chain. But still, it could be interesting, so I'm waiting to read your fics.

About the fics, overall, I have some questions: are you going to create chapters and narrate what happens with them? Or are you just going to add new information about them every now and then to their respective pages? I would like to see you do the first, it's more interesting that way, IMO.

Just keep in my mind that it's my opinion, you're not obliged to accept it, as, like I said, they are your characters, it is your story, and you do it they way you want to do it. But, it's good to see what others think about your works. Criticism is good, in a constructive way. I hope I could make myself clear, as English is not my native tongue, and please, don't understand as if I'm trying to diss on your characters, it's the opposite: I want to see them improve. I'm longing to see more of your work, both on the wiki and related to your creations. Nice meeting you. ^^ -- Mr.Kraken 03:01, December 27, 2009 (UTC)

Re: Smoke
The test is a way for you to see from a third person perspective on how your characters look like to your readers. Many of the questions listed on the test are the most common traits associated with Mary/Gary Sues and seen as cliched and unrealistic. The higher your "score" is the least likely people are going to accept your characters as "real" and original. Kyosei 07:41, December 27, 2009 (UTC)


 * Sorry for barging in, but I took that test and, man, that thing really pisses you off. I was answering somewhat like this: "No... No... Ahm, no... Jesus Christ, no... Argh! No!... OH DEAR LORD, NO! NO! NO! O.O" It really pissed me off to see how cliché people can get... -- Mr.Kraken 20:08, December 27, 2009 (UTC)


 * No, man, you got me wrong. It wasn't the test per se that got me pissed, it just reminded me how cliché people can get and it was that that pissed me off. You should take the test, it can be good for you (it can show you what you could change in your characters; at least they won't be called Mary Sues in the future). ;) -- Mr.Kraken 15:55, December 31, 2009 (UTC)